Hard of Hearing Stepdaughter
She is in Honors english classes (sophomore in high school), but her Speech/English appears to be getting worse. I really feel like she needs speech therapy and assistance to help her learn to be aware more aware of her surroundings and stop pretending she can hear most of the time, when she clearly cannot. Our younger child has been injured and put in some dangerous situations because of the communication problems. Socially, she's a wreck. She says a lot of inappropriate things at inappropriate times. Her manners are very poor. We try to talk with her and cannot imagine how her mother is not noticing these things. All this is getting worse, and her father and I don't know whether to laugh or cry half the time."
*** I commented that it sounded like the girl needed counseling, and the fact she is a teenager may be playing a role in her attitude. Or does it sound like she is denying her hearing loss?
Comments
sounded like I was when I was in my teenager,,she seemed to me to be rebelling,,,she does needs counseling big time,,,before it gets worsed
First of all, if she was living over seas before, I wonder if she’s having a hard time with American accents.
Secondly, I have to wonder if she has seen an audiologist in the past two years. Has her hearing gotten worse without her realizing?
Third, if she’s mainstreamed and not hearing that well, she probably needs accommodations at school. Is she getting that?
Last–the step mother may feel ASL is the answer, but it’s not going to help this girl socially unless she can become involved with a group of young Deaf people. The family will also need to take ASL. They need to realize it takes about seven years to become fluent, BUT in the mean-time signing while speaking English at home can be a big help, and most can do that after just one year of practice.
Yes– I would suggest a visit to the audiologist, a visit with the school counselors to set up accommodations, a visit with the local HH/Deaf support services, AND a vist to a psychologist who specializes in disability. A regular family psychologist won’t have a clue what’s going on with this kid.
I agree with everything Kim has stated. I also wonder which is the biggest issue - hearing loss, communications, or counseling? Handling one will not solve the rest. So they need to pick the area that needs the immediate concern.
A HOH/deaf teenager in a mainstream classroom needs accommodations. Teenagers can be very damaging to self-esteem.
I also agree that learning ASL would deeply assist in communications. I can’t imagine the frustration this child is feeling not being about to communicate and express herself.
Valerie
85% hearing loss!?!?!? And she doesn’t know sign? Jesus H. Christ, no wonder this child is the way she is! I mean, you wonder why she isn’t socializing and that her speech is declining??? HELLOOOOOOO!?!?!? Her behavior is actually VERY normal for someone in her situation.
The solution is obvious: START SIGNING!!!!!
I disagree with Kim on signing and speaking at the same time, but that’s a whole other debate.
The girl is crying out for support and understanding, and seems to be catching criticism and worry instead.
As an adolescent, she needs validation and acceptance…she needs counseling and possibly placement where she can find others like herself and can relate to them.
It is possible her hearing may be worsening…and she may be in a situation where she is rejected for several reasons: being foreign, out of touch with American ways, hearing problems, dealing with denial and communication cutoff.
She is also old enough to make the decision for herself on getting a cochlear implant. For people who had hearing, it can work well for them, and since she has no sign, she may prefer to go with the implant. It is an option that should be looked into.
I went through the exact same thing as a child. I lost hearing at 8 and my parents refused to teach me sign language so in order to fit in at school, I had to act dumb like a class clown and say stupid things. It was better to be a class clown then to be made fun of by the kids.
The school should provide the speech therapy and special education. Eventually, she will outgrow this. When I became 18, I learned that no one was going to make fun of me anymore. I learned to tell people, I am hearing impaired so I need to look at you when you talk. I was shocked and amazed at the understanding and cooperation that I was receiving. Once I got this from everyone, including perfect strangers, I was confident that I didn’t need to be a clown anymore.
Now, at 36, I still clown around, but that isn’t because I am a class clown anymore–it’s because I love the laughter:)
She needs understanding, and the social, educational, and language abilities will improve.
Good luck!
I just got offended by a comment that said “85% hearing loss!?!?!? And she doesn’t know sign? Jesus H. Christ, no wonder this child is the way she is! I mean, you wonder why she isn’t socializing and that her speech is declining??? HELLOOOOOOO!?!?!? Her behavior is actually VERY normal for someone in her situation.
The solution is obvious: START SIGNING!!!!!
I disagree with Kim on signing and speaking at the same time, but that’s a whole other debate.”
My sister and I have been hard of hearing (85-90% loss) since I’m 6 years old AND did very well in School, University, and at a Job without sign language. Being severely-profound deaf doesn’t mean that you won’t hear anything. Every hard of hearing or deaf person hears different frequencies.
By the way, my mother has the same loss and HAS NEVER USED hearing aids… and she went to School, University, and had a Teaching Job. My mother doesn’t know how to sign at all and has a very nice life with a very beautiful speech without ever being at an speech therapist.
My mom, my sister, and I live in a country that mostly speaks Spanish, and we three do very well in even in English. My sister went to study in the States and did well, without using sign language.
Being deaf or hard of hearing doesn’t means that you won’t be able to accomplish a good speech or fluency either in a spoken or written language. Being deaf or hard of hearing doesn’t means either that you will be able to communicate sign language.
I believe that Sign Language is very beautiful, but is not for everybody. Not everybody has the right hand shapes or memory and the talent to speak fluently in ASL. It may help, but it may not help. It is not a miracle pill that will solve every trouble.
I do really believe that Sign Language does wonders for people that have been unable to communicate through other ways and is a great deal in the Deaf Culture. If I had a deaf child, I would teach him/her about Sign Language, but will not push him/her to it if he/she doesn’t want to cherish it.
Regarding the emotional state of the girl… well, she is in High School. I hated High School… but not because the communication factor, just because I found it very boring hehe. I used to do research before my classes, and sadly made too much research and knew too much. There was another deaf student in my school which did very bad academically, but was highly social with other students without being able to speak well. I was the opposite, I speak very well (people don’t notice I’m hard of hearing), had poor social skills, but very high academic skills. I made my OWN choice to deprive myself of social groups… after all I am a conservative person and everyone at school was too liberal for my taste (sex, parties, etc.). Every person with disabilities will have different experiences, despite having the same circumstances.
It is probable that she may losing more hearing (I loved the comment made by Kim)… but also she may love to be independent and doesn’t know how to solve her problem by herself. This is because if she needs therapy, it means she needs someone… and some teenagers really do like to be left alone.
I was a loner, because friends hurt me (not because I has hard of hearing, but because they were bad friends… in the end, these friends ended without a job and in bad relationships). I preferred to be a loner that have bad friends, but I didn’t have to rebel to do so. People just let me be.
Ah… Sadly, because I was a cast-away person… hehehe I do still make silly comments at the wrong time. Mostly is a comment that belongs to a previous conversation that suddenly changed and I didn’t notice. It comes with the package of being a hard of hearing person interacting in a hearing world.
I still hate my High School memories (hell, I made a mission of trying to save an unhealthy friend all my HS years), but I made very lovely ones at the University and I have been a very happy person at all the workplaces I have been.
Regards!
Sorry for some typos, like when I wrote that instead of than and so on…
Also, forgot some commas
Sad! Poor Girl! It is hard… I know, I didnt want to be considered deaf or even hoh as a kid, but my life changed completely when I was exposed to 1. sign language and 2. hearing aids!
I agree with whomever said to speak and sign simultaniously. Complete Communiation!
‘bella
My answer may not be the most agreeable but here we go. I have had an hearing impairment all of my life. I did poor in school and was called a slow learner and timid. My hearing was never checked during those school years. I joined the Army National Guard in 1969. They did not send me to an Army depo where I would have had an audiogram. Instead they sent me to a family doctor. The hearing test he gave me was a 4 word test, 6 feet away with my backed turned to him. I heared enough to pass. I spent a total of 22 years in the guard, 12 with hearing aids and worked a regular job traveling and teaching data processing.
At the age of 29 my wife told me I was not hearing her. I went to an ENT and had an audiogram. I had a moderate to servere hearing loss. I’m not sure how I got by so long. I guess lip reading was my source. I started wearing hearing aids. I had to retire with my company after 36 years of service due to servere/profound hearing loss, servere tinnitus and hypercusis. I has an Auditory Brainstem Response test to prove my hearing loss for social security and LTD. The test shoed a servere to profound loss.
I can only hear low end sounds today without my hearing aids. I’m probably 85 to 90 % deaf. With my digital hearing aids I can get by with lip reading. I have a desire to learn sign language.
Why have hearing aids not been tried on her to see if she can gain some usefull hearing like I did. I think it would be great for her to learn sign language as well. She deserves anything that will give her a better quality of life including a CI. I wish her well in her decisions and in life.
just putting hearing aids on, or even sign much is not picked up, so much of group conversations not understood. The people around need just as much support and education as the person with the hearing loss, in such a way that the person becomes part of th group and feels included. A mom
Mom, I know where you are comming from because I have lived it for so many years. With the hearing aids she will be able to converse with 1 or 2 people at a time, not with the group. She will be able to develope new friends one at a time and in time feel more conforbable in a group setting. This is how I survived so long in busness, church and other get togethers. With the sign language, she would have the opportunity to communite with both.