Hearing People Make a Lot of Small Talk
Wednesday November 26, 2008
One thing I have discovered since getting a cochlear implant, is that hearing people make a lot of small talk. For example, this morning in the elevator at the office, a hearing man I didn't know said to me, "Are you ready for turkey?" A year ago I would have missed out on that.
Comments
It’s called communication
I miss it quite a bit, because it does seem the deaf communications are so ‘heavy’ and direct. Communication is not just question and answer, there is so much more. Why must every conversation have a direct purpose and point ? In reality ’small talk’ is a ‘way in’ to instigating conversations with people you don’t know, without questioning or getting personal, there is a complete heirachy in what conversational small talk you employ too.
In Britain you are on totally safe ground talking about our weather, because it is an accepted ‘opener’ in communication,with a total stranger, talking about the public transport here is also an opener, mainly because we rarely find it turns up
We all love to moan about it ! Talking ‘turkey’ is I assume one the Americans would use because of your thanksgiving celebrations, if you want to continue the conversation then you can, if you don’t, then you can just give a short reply that doesn’t invite further talk..
Deaf do need to learn the art of conversation a bit more, since this invites people to communicate to you, the more people that do, the more wider awareness deaf get. Perhaps some deaf use small talk, but not a lot do because they are worried the mode isn’t there to continue…
MM, way to go; all deaf people are inept at communication, really?
As you said, you “miss it quite a bit”. please don’t tell me as a deaf individual, that i must learn the art of communication when you’re quite the hypocrite.
There are many deaf people who get along great with small talk; or should i say, “small gestures”?
I think the small talk by hearing folks has less to do with communicating content and has more to do with “opening a channel” of communication and acknowledging someone else’s presence to be able to use the channel of communication if the need or desire arises.
Hearing people do this with visual cues, too (acknowledging someone is there, showing willingness to communicate), but if it’s only visual cues, then a hearing person might feel slightly less at ease.
Remember that in “visual space” the light is always there, so the basis for the communication channel is ever-present (though you still need to wave at someone to get their attention). But for hearing people, if people are only exchanging visual cues, it feels like the “sound channel” has not been established.
I think there’s more small talks among strangers, people you might just say something standing behind you in a line, in the elevator, waiting at the bus stop, etc.etc.etc. It’s not that deaf don’t have any less, it’s that you don’t really expect communication from strangers at times.
Have a great turkey day!
Hearing people make small talk - yeah, so what? There’s so much more to the world than delighting in the fact that someone makes small talk with you. I don’t speak or hear, yet I have small talk with hearing people all the time everywhere I go. I think it boils down to your personality, confidence and approachable nature. Just today, I went to the post office, and the guy asked me about my child. Then I went to the store, and the woman behind me said I had a lot of things in my cart, I laughed and nodded. Both knew I was deaf. So what?
This makes me wonder how many times has someone attempted to make small talk with me and I didn’t know it? Hmm… People must think I’m quite rude!
so true i think most hearing people never shut up, they seem to be totally uncomfortable with silence.
Rox - I know for sure that hearing people made conversation with me and I didn’t answer and they thought I was rude. It happened at work with a new girl who came. I have a cochlear implant (highly successful) but from some distance or one one side or high noise I might not get the clue that someone is trying to talk to me. This happened with the new girl - except she didn’t know I had a CI. She thought I was just a bid stand offish at times, when I actually hadn’t heard her. On the other hand I thought she didn’t like me because she seemed a bit closed to me. It was 3 months later that she found out I had an implant and was astounded that she hadn’t picked up on the fact!! Says how good the implant is doesn’t it!
I am a hearing person who used to go out with a man who was very hard of hearing and whose first language was sign.
I must say one thing I admired about his communication and that of his deaf friends was how little “Small Talk” there was. Their conversations seemed much more real, about more important subjects and contained spontaneous curiousity and sincere interest in the other person.
My boyfriend used to talk about the “two faces of hearing people” the less than sincere smiles used with “small talk” when people really weren’t caring or interested in the other.
Our relationship was 12 years. I learned so much about communication, that words aren’t nearly so important as conveying what truly comes from the heart. I know I became a better person with guidance for communicating from a deaf person. I miss THAT Communication. I could very easily do without the endless “small talk” of the hearing world and long for some real communication in sign, in words or in gestures or just being genuine with someone!
I’m on the same track as Leslie. I was very good friends with two deaf children at my school while I was young & later had the pleasure of working alongside a great guy when I was in the racing business. I loved hanging out with them all because there was ALWAYS a purpose in conversation. Even if it was very few words exchanged-it MEANT something. Where in the hearing world, that is not so. The checker at the grocery store, the people at the gas station etc… seem to always want to talk with you about nonsense. I find it a time waster.
Small Talk!!! Ugh! Oh my… I’m scared of small talk! Hehe. I’m hard of hearing (HoH), and hear almost well. But people think I’m rude because they don’t notice I’m HoH since I do speak very well. I have a really bad reputation for ignoring people hehe. I don’t like small talk because sometimes it gets too long, specially at the doctor’s when someone with a challenging disability as mental or emotional keeps talking about him/herself. I really wish that nobody spoke about their medical status in a medical office. Puerto Ricans do speak A LOT about EVERYTHING. In here, small talk is no small talk at all. It gets personal and intrusive. And most of the time I don’t get to understand what I’m being told and it makes me look and feel like a dumb person. Once, I had to convince a mental challenged grown person that I’m hard of hearing because he kept saying that I was lying and that I was a spy
There are so many scary people around that I keep alert and give my back to people. Once I was followed by a guy just because he liked me 
At the University I can try to tolerate it, but other places I don’t like it. And it goes too for small talk with Deaf persons, since I don’t understand ASL too well. Most of the Deaf community try to avoid me, but last week at a birthday party a Deaf guy approached to me to make “small” talk (again, it is not small in Puerto Rico, it took like 2 hours of talking) and I did enjoy it. Still, hearing friends always tell me that I’m so lucky to be hard of hearing for not being able to hear all the stupidity that is being talked around.
Whoever said hearing folks were uncomfortable with silence/no talk was right! But I know Deaf who are the same, always chattering about this and that to gain attention to themselves, or fill the space between thoughts, or cover up nerves…
Real communication is about interaction, focusing on the other person, then add your comment, small or large communication same, same! (you know what I mean! Grin!) Maybe someone has noticed you and wants to say hi… what does he say? “hey, nice turkey day?” and that is just the beginning - maybe…
I try to be open to all kinds of communication because even small talk can give you insight into the other person, maybe you will be delighted, never know!
Isabella