McBeader is a hard of hearing About.com reader who posted on the forum about his communication frustrations. He writes about the attitudes of hearing people when he does not understand. Writes McBeader: "...it is also very frustrating when I have to constantly have people repeat what they are saying 4/5 times before I actually know what they are saying. By that time I get attitude or a comment like what is wrong with you, are you deaf or something."
McBeader would like some help, because when he says "yes, he has a hearing loss," the attitudes get even worse. What can a hard of hearing or deaf person do when faced with that reaction to telling the truth? Do you have suggestions for McBeader?
Someone once told my husband “what’s the matter with her, deaf or something?” My husband didn’t like it and told her yes and left it to that. But I had people say that to me all the time.
Sometimes, hearing people say that to other hearing people to offend them. they don’t want to be deaf. Saying “what’s the matter with you, deaf or something?” is audism where they think having good hearing is superior. It’s sad that people treat deafness that way. I don’t think there is anything we can do about it.
Thats horrible being treated like that. Thankfully I have not come across that myself, but if I did and got that, my reply would have been, yes I am deaf. Do you have a problem with that!
1. I would like to know if the person wears hearing aids, if so then it is his responsible to let people know that he does,I wear hearing aids and when someone talks with/to me, and I can’t hear him/or her I let them know that I do have a hearing problem, that I wear hearing aides and that they need to look at me when they talk as I need to read their lips, I have worn aids for nearly 10 (ten years) and I have not ever had any one say what are you deaf, as I do not put them on in the position of being embrassed, and that is why we sometimes get the reaction we get.
Why have a person repeat themselves four or five times? That’s probably exacerbating the situation. Why not simply admit you have a hearing loss when you first don’t understand so there wouldn’t be such attitude.
I have stuggled w/the ignorant comments for over 15yrs-heres the best “well you dont look deaf!”I simply say w/a straight face “yes,Im profoundly deaf,thank God for my hearing aids”Hearing disability is the least understood-a blind person will get more empathy-it is what it is..
I have worn hearing aids for 13 years, and am not the stereotypical hearing aid wearer… Sometimes people do get impatient and say rude things. I argued once with a lady who said I didn’t even need the hearing aids I was wearing, because she said I was too young. People don’t like to be reminded that they aren’t thinking about things with an open mind. When you reply “yes” to the “ARE YOU DEAF??” question and they get mad, you’ve reminded them that they’re not considering the needs of the person they’re trying to communicate to=YOU. Try to let that go. They won’t understand until they get their own hearing loss. (If ever) It’s easy to tell people you can’t hear if you know your going to be speaking to that person, or group, but sometimes, you miss that one “excuse me” muttered in a low tone in the supermarket aisle because you don’t expect it. When they grab your basket and move it out of their way angrily, you can simply shrug it off and be glad you don’t know them personally. You won’t be able to control how others respond to you, but you can control how you let them affect you.
I agree with Judy Morse and a few others that I have never been told “What are you deaf?” when dealing with other people. I have always found it best to say immediately to someone I know I won’t be able to hear (soft voice, accent, etc.) that “I am almost completely deaf” (gets a better response than hearing impaired for some reason) “please look at me and speak louder. I will ask you to repeat yourself if I cannot understand you.” I have always gotten a positive response and full cooperation especially in stores. I feel it is my responsibility to inform the person, not let them guess, so that we can have a conversation together. It works for me everytime without fail. People seem to appreciate me being up front with them….then nobody gets frustrated.
I for one have had many problems. Co workers upset about something, and come in yelling at me “I know you can hear me!” just because they’ve had a bad morning already.
Or another co worker bringing copies of our meetings to me only and in front of others saying, “Because you can’t hear.” This is not necessary.
THey all know I’m hard of hearing. I’ve worn aids since ‘99. They all know this. I even had a co worker say to me (a day after I got my aids and I mentioned to them that I’d gotten them) “And you didn’t let us know, you were just listening to everything we were saying.” To this I “smugly” said “yes” I heard what you had to gossip about”. I tell people on the phone and in person to speak up please, they do for 4-5 words. I work with special needs children, I appreciate them more and more.
My standard response to “Are you deaf?” is… “Yes. Are you stupid?”
Yeah, it’s snarky but dang, I’m fed up with explaining that they need to speak clearly (without their hands in front of their mouths) and then they get ticked off when mumble and I ask them to please repeat themselves and get the “Are you deaf?” snide remark.
It’s amazing how quickly the “OH” look comes out when you come right back at them.
I almost want a bumper sticker that says “I’m deaf, you’re dumb, I can use HAs”
Hello, I just read your post…First you need to not be embarrassed that you have trouble hearing. The first thing I tell people is that I can’t hear! please talk facing me so I can read your lips. People respond better when you allow them to be incontrol. This way they will try harder for you to understand what they are trying to tell you and not be intiminated about something they themselfs have not experience or don’t fully understand. The frustration and rudeness is a defence response beacause they are faced with slowing down and taking the time and effort to help someone. Not all people care to help you out. It would help to have a paper and pen ready if it is truly important information. At the end I thank them for taking the time to help me out!!!!
When I have difficulty understanding what someone says, I immediately tell them something like, ‘I’m sorry, but my hearing is imperfect, and I’m not quite catching what you’re saying’. I’m not apologizing for my hearing loss, but apologizing because their words just aren’t making sense. I then say something like, ‘are you saying ……’ and repeat back what I believe they said.
Being deaf is not fun. Wearing hearing aids is not either.
Deafness is a strange ailment in that it requires cooperation from another person if there is to be any sort of communication. I really do not think that anyone, including audiologists understand the “alone in a crowd” feeling.
Oddly enough I find that strangers can be helpful while family members have little or no patience!
I find it best, when not understanding the 1st time, to simply say that I am not hearing, and inform the person how they can make it clearer for me to understand them. Most people are understanding.
I have found if you are honest and say up front that you are deaf/hard of hearing and ask that they please look at you when they talk to you and speak a little louder, that I’ve always gotten cooperation from people. I’ve never had anybody say anything insulting or rude because I told them I am deaf/hard of hearing. I’d rather be up front then have them guessing and get frustrated. How hard is that?
There’s so many ways to address this. First off, I do wear hearing aids. I work two jobs where I deal with the general public all of the time. I have learned one thing, plain and simple. People are afraid of the unknown, so I am quick to educate as need be. I normally don’t say what more then twice before I said, I am deaf so I need you to speak more clearly, loudly or whatever the case may be. Some are quick to say I am sorry. Some apologize and then bend over backwards to help me. I have found 90 percent of the time people will work to make sure I can understand them. I am curious how he said that they were being rude. Don’t get me wrong I have had people get in my face and scream well you should have been looking at me then. But I just try to look at it that these people aren’t familiar with deafness or that they are so self absorbed (as it seems more and more people are getting these days). It is the invisible disability so to speak. I have learned with 22 years of being in customer service that there’s always 1 percent you can not please.
well im not deaf but im one person who believes kin beating the stereotypes and changing the world but i wont lie, i do that too and yes, there are deaf people in my family. its not about a hearing person trying to be superior over the deaf,quite frankly, disabled friends and family that i have take anything and by so saying we dont mean to offend them. its just a figure of speech