"I am the hearing mother of a severely hard of hearing 5 year old girl. About 6 months ago I searched the web for help with a difficult decision my husband and I had to make. I searched chat rooms for help and entered a room. There was no 'Hi' or 'welcome,' just 'are you Deaf?', i responded 'No i am not but my daughter is severely hoh.' At that point i was completely ignored and was basically shunned. All i wanted was someone that was Deaf or HOH to help me. I wanted someone to tell me what they wished their parents had did and what they thought about different schooling options. I couldn't get any help from those that were going through what my daughter was. It hurt me and why also doesn't the Deaf community accept HOH as one of their own in their culture. Does my daughter have to look forward to not being accepted into the Hearing culture because she does sign and speech and not accepted into the Deaf community because she hears at 85 dB and not profoundly Deaf at 90? Tell me, is that fair to her, me, or you because the hearing and Deaf community will be at a great loss with out my beautiful, caring, and smart child.""You are confusing two different things: Deaf and deaf. Being Deaf (with the big "D") refers to being a member of the Deaf community, regardless of degree of hearing loss. Being deaf (little "d") refers strictly to the decibel amount of hearing loss.
—BURKEYGIRL
There is no reason why your daughter (or you) can't be accepted into the Deaf community, but first you have to understand it. "Severely hard of hearing" in the hearing world means "can't hear very well" while in the Deaf world, it means "hears pretty well". It all comes down to culture. If you or your daughter want to be accepted in the community, you have to learn what Deaf people value, what they don't like and rules of behavior. Then interact with them. Don't get discouraged because people in a chat room didn't realize that you want to help your daughter.
Deaf people are still people and do make mistakes.
—DEAFLIZZARD
"I know the dilema you were faced with, and unfortunately there are many Deaf(those who have Deaf pride and sign ASL) who do not trust or want much to do with people who do not share their Deaf identity. But, there are some young folk in the deaf community who do have Deaf pride identity, and are not rude and prejudice towards hearing or oral deaf people.
My son had a profound hearing loss. We used signed English with speech, until he was 10. Signed English is not the accepted sign of the Deaf culture crowd...it must be ASL. My son asked to learn how to speak and speech read better, rejecting sign because he said no one understands his sign language...meaning the hearing kids in the neighborhood. He attended a program for the hearing impaired, in which the kids used signed English, but he only was able to socialize with them at school. Here in our community, he saw the neighborhood kids who did not know or use sign...this was not what he wanted! He wanted to be able to converse with everyone, not just the kids at the school 35 miles away. So, we found a school where he could learn to speak and speech read better.
Now my son is 20, and doesn't sign at all, unless he meets a deaf person who signs. He is happy being able to communicate with everyone! He was mainstreamed for high school, and made many hearing friends. He taught hearing friends about deafness, as many of them had never met a deaf person before...it was a great experience for him and his classmates.
Without his hearing aids he couldn't hear anything at all. Yet, because he is an oral deaf person, he is one that would not be accepted by "most" within the Deaf community...however, if he were to take the time to become fluent in American Sign language, which is not signed English, then he would be accepted. Being accepted by those who have Deaf pride means you must learn their language, otherwise "most" from the Deaf culture won't pay you attention.
My son recently chose to have a cochlear implant, which has enabled him to hear many things he has never heard! He is very happy with the implant, however, again, this is a form of euthanasia according to many of the Deaf. These folk believe there is nothing wrong with not being able to hear, that it is a special way of being, and they really frown on those deaf who, first don't use American Sign language, or second, are oral, and thirdly, who do things such as obtain a cochlear implant...all of these things, in their eyes it means the deaf person is ashamed of their deaf way of being, and that they are trying to be "hearing."
The thing is, many hearing people if given the opportunity to learn from a deaf person, are very accepting and accommodating to that person, much more so than many from the deaf culture crowd.
