But, what they don't realize is that my son's generation and your daughter's are being reared with a more inclusive attitude, and they have opportunities and choices that the previous generation did not. There are fantastic hearing aids out there now, and cochlear implants which are helping more deaf and hoh children with their education...these kids are being reared and educated right along with their hearing peers, and they grow up not being suspicious of their hearing peers, and the hearing peers are growing up with an understanding of their deaf peers.
My son doesn't understand these Deaf pride people. He would be happy to befriend ASL users, and would gladly learn ASL to communicate with them, not because he had a "need" to be one of them in the sense of Deaf pride. He instead understands individual pride, irregardless of one's hearing status! Many kids, hearing and deaf that my son knows, feel the same. Unfortunately, because he worked hard to learn speech, and is oral, he will most likely not be accepted by those with Deaf pride. He says, that is their problem.
So, things aren't as cut and dry as you think though...if you want your daughter to feel she belongs to the Deaf culture...easy answer...just rear her under the American Sign language, so that she is fluent in that language. Then she will be accepted by the few who follow this culture.
Or,rear her to understand spoken English, and give her the opportunity to be educated with hearing people, knowing that as an adult, hearing people are the majority of people she will be going to college with, and working with. She won't be suspicious towards the hearing, and her life will be an example to the many hearing she encounters, that she is just as capable, if not more so, to do anything she puts her mind to...just as any person is, deaf or hearing.
Finally, because more deaf people are becoming oral because of the new hearing aids, mainstreaming in education, and cochlear implants, with the promise of hair cell regeneration just around the corner, signed language, be it signed English, or American Sign language will not take the presence it still somewhat has, because there won't be a need for it, as so many thousands of deaf are already showing. So, trust me when I say, your daughter won't be left out of the hearing world, my son isn't! Many of his friends aren't! They are comfortable and feel every bit a part of their family and community as any of their hearing friends. The irony is though, the Deaf culture crowd are purposely excluding fine people like yourself, your daughter, and my son, all because of the love of a language they fear is going to be extinct. They are missing the point completely...it's not the language, as my son says...whether one hears or doesn't, whether one signs or doesn't doesn't matter to him...it's what is in the heart that counts."
—PATTYB7
"I'm a late Deaf, grew up hard of hearing, and now teach ASL. You'll find that most of us don't "bite," but some you encounter will be rude and cold to you. Just like the hearing community, the Deaf community also has its share of those kind of people. What you will find in our community also is compassionate, warm hearted, fun loving people who desire to break down barriers that separate the two worlds."
—CASPER9901
"Putting myself in your shoes, I'd contact all "local" deaf schools about getting in touch with other parents. They've been there; most doctors and other professionals have not. Also, ask your daughter what she feels.... does she prefer signing, speaking, or is she happy doing both? And periodically ask her again and again, as her preference will likely change over time. Keep in mind that signing and speaking are not mutually exclusive. As I've been learning ASL over the past year, I've seen where the two are in fact quite complementary.
As for the cold shoulder, don't worry about it. From my experience most members of the Deaf community welcome curious Hearies who respect the Deaf and their culture. That in mind, much as I would love to visit a Deaf Club, I wouldn't think of going without a personal invitation and escort of a Deaf friend. Perhaps the people in the chat room thought an uninvited, unescorted Hearie was crashing the club."
—RINGINGEARS1
"I was not born deaf, but became deaf at five. I went to an "all-deaf" school. I did not have many deaf friends at the school, I think this was because I never lived in the dormitory.
I never felt welcomed in the deaf community, so I was happy to have hearing friends at home. I was accepted to attend "all-deaf" college in Washington, D.C., but I decided against going, because it probably would be no different from the school where I attended so I went to another college which I was the only hearing impaired individual and I did very well there.
