After being absent from the deaf community for over eight years (after I graduated high school.) After my relocation to Atlanta, I met a deaf woman with no deaf education background, she is a big ASL user but she has accepted for who I am regardless my limiting knowledge of sign languages. I also met another deaf woman; she lost her hearing the age of twenty. She also is an ASL user, but she does not feel welcome in the deaf community sometimes.
I have given ASL another chance by taking ASL courses in college but it didn't work out for me. I even dated a "hard-core" deaf woman, and more of an illiterate deaf woman, which I couldn't put up with her embarrassing me everywhere we went."
—ABSATL
"I have been around hearing ppl in my life as I had few deaf friends, which I hang out during my school years. Hearing ppl would be my family as my cousins most of time, neighbors, friends at hearing school and at church. I never knew who I was or always deny myself as deaf but have to be HOH (hard of hearing). SO in 1985, when I graduated from hearing High schools and went to Gallaudet University. Wow, it was a big impacted for me and struggled to be part of them. So I gave up my time and gave up my time around hearing ppl which there wasn't much there. So I fought so hard to be part of them. I would try over and over and not give up. Of course, they gave me cold shoulders and never feel welcome because they can tell that I was not involves with deaf community.
The reasons they give cold shoulders and don't make you feel welcome because they are afraid to be treated awful or being disrespect, afraid you might take over and several reasons why also. Because of how they were raised in Deaf school, or their hearing parents took over their life, or hearing ppl tell them what to do and not giving them some space to do on their own or their own decision. It is one way of them testing you to see if you are willing to be part of them.
What I did was when I first came to deaf club in my area, I tried my best to at least talk to one or two at a time. I had to gain their trust, conversation, and understanding about me wanting to be part of deaf club or their community. Of course, it was hard as like I said, I struggled, fought as hard I could to prove to them that I am a good person, willing to be part of it. So other thing I do is share some information that deaf may not know anything about it. I would share something like what I learned about Gallaudet University and told them few things. Or I would come up with some games that they may like and shared with them. Or I would bring in foods for the deaf club to eat. I would find a way to show them I can be like them.
After while, I was finally accepted by them and was pleased with them. So when a new person come in deaf club, I go to that person and talked with them because I been there and know what it like to be outsider.
You have to give them a chance at least 6 months or so to accept you or willing to get you involves in some conversation if there is something going on in a group of 4 or 5. Join in and chat. They will ignore you but you need to stand up for yourself and not to be afraid. Or start with one or two at a time to build up. You will do great!! Deaf love to welcome anyone but they are afraid from what I experienced it. It could be different in your area.
By the way, I was born deaf! Grew up with hearing culture all my life till I graduated. As Gallaudet University was my first time experiencing deaf culture and I love it.
Right now I am more involves with deaf community in my area."
—3BABYBLUEEYE
Deaf hesitancy to jump at the opportunity to embrace hearing people is based on lifelong experience of hearing treatment of Deaf. Each individual has a different history, but many, many come from families who were unable or unwilling to accept their child as deaf. The children will go through their lives always knowing and sensing that their parents do not fully accept them. It's no wonder that these children turn a cold shoulder to the hearing world, when the only place place they have ever felt accepted is by their Deaf peers and Deaf adults.
Every once-in-a-while, when a child's parents really love them no matter what, and are willing and able to spend lots of time focusing on them, and their hearing loss is perhaps not totally profound in all the ranges, and/or their loss occurred after birth so that they have some experience of spoken communication, even just for a few weeks or months, then this child can be successful and fulfilled and happy in the hearing world. Perhaps. We often hear the success stories, not so often the "failures".
But what is often the problem in D/deaf to hearing relationships is that hearing have so little understanding of it, and the D/deaf are always labelled. Even the success stories are labelled. They are "that deaf guy/gal." Communication is not as natural, you can't talk to them without making sure they see your face.
