Part One: Becoming Hard of Hearing
Part Two: Becoming Deaf and Seeking Support
PART THREE
Living as a Deaf Person
Q: Have you joined any deaf organizations?
A: Until I became aware of them through the About.com Deafness site, I had no knowledge of any organizations. I have submitted my application to the National Association of the Deaf (NAD) and to the Association of Late Deafened Adults (ALDA,) even though they have no active chapters in [my] vicinity.
Q: When you became deaf, were any accommodations made for you at work?
A: Work has made every possible accommodation. Meeting rooms are set up so that I can see people. Lighting is adjusted for lipreading. We have interpreters. My coworkers act as note takers for me. I have a hearing ear dog for when I work weekends or evenings.
Identity as a Person with Hearing Loss
Q: Now that you are deaf, do you identify more with hard of hearing people or with deaf people?
A: I have been hearing and hard of hearing, and am now deaf. Because of that unique situation, I have experiences in common with each of them, and claim for myself a small corner in each of the hearing, hard of hearing and deaf worlds.
Q: Has becoming deaf had any effect on your social life?
A: Becoming deaf has brought me both social distress and social pleasure. With friends and family members, I have faced some real stressful times. It is hard for them to understand or accept the difference in me.
I have had deaf friends that knew me before I lost my hearing get upset with me. I told them I couldn't interpret for them. I try always to laugh these things off and ignore them because [of] the value of the relationship.
What does bother me is when I get the feeling that people are looking at me with pity. With new people I meet -- hearing, hard of hearing and deaf -- I now find something totally different. As more people are introduced to deafness through media and a growing senior population, the attitude toward deafness is changing. Instead of being the "poor hearing lady who went deaf," I am seen as the "deaf lady who does so well."
My new friends make sure they have my attention before talking to me, and never try to interpret for me unless I seek their help. They are more accommodating. I always start a relationship by saying I am deaf and we will have trouble conversing if I can't see their face. I try to deliver this message with a smile on my face. Through experience, I have learned that warmth can tear down the barriers built by misunderstanding and prejudice.
Final Comments
Q: Do you have any final comments?
A: My advice on a cochlear implant (CI): The CI will not benefit all cases of deafness, but for those it will help, I truly believe in implanting. I am not a CI candidate, but if I were I would seriously consider having the implant. I have deaf friends with a CI, and other deaf friends that are very opposed to CI.
It is hard for me to understand the opposition. There have been so many technological advances made. For poor vision, I want to have made the best pair or glasses or contacts possible. Should I lose my hand or arm, I want electronic nerve stimulator prostheses instead of an old iron hook.
My advice to a person who is beginning to lose his hearing: When you first start losing your hearing, I strongly advise you to have your hearing tested by an audiologist. Once you know your hearing loss, you can talk with the audiologist about hearing aids. Wear hearing aids if the test indicates that aids are needed.
My advice to a hard of hearing person facing deafness: My first advice to you is look around at all that you have and put a smile in your heart and on your face. The quality of life we have is not based on what we hear with our ears but what we are listening to with our hearts. I had a wonderful life as a hearing person, a wonderful life as a hard of hearing person, and I have a wonderful life as a deaf person.
My second piece of advice to you would be to start now perfecting the skills of communication that you will be using later -- definitely lipreading, and preferably lipreading and sign language. You will need lipreading skills to get the best out of your everyday living. I believe that for any deaf person to function at his or her highest peak of efficiency, he or she needs to be trained in and use total communication. He or she needs to be a lipreader and signer, and be able to shift easily and gracefully between the two.
My third piece of advice would be to surround yourself with the equipment that you will need to use in the future. Get used to using flashing lights, closed captioning on your television and vibrator alarms so that when you need these things, they will already be familiar.
On personal relationships and hearing loss: My marriage broke up when I first started experiencing a hearing loss. Looking back, I would say that my marriage definitely did not break up because I was losing my hearing, but my attitude could have been a contributing factor. Because the hearing loss was so gradual, I didn't realize it existed and was causing stress.
I was frustrated, short-tempered, impatient, and just not very nice to live with. Regretfully, it was my husband and son who became the object of the frustration because I thought they either were not answering me or just did not want to communicate with me. Because of our differences, I feel the marriage would have dissolved at some time. However, the hearing loss may have speeded up that dissolution.
