-JAZ16
"HOH...he refuses to learn SL as well...very frustrating situation for us both. He's a "mumbler". I'm having to constantly tell him to LOOK at me, and repeat what he had just said...We have both talked it over, and he finally realized how difficult it is for me, and how frustrating it is for us to rely on lip readng alone. We have decided that as soon as our daughter is old enough we will teach her SL, he's decided to learn as well."
-KRS10
"He never made an effort to learn to sign...Fortunately, I was able to lip read well but in group settings, it was very frustrating for me...he was being disrespectful towards me by not learning "my" language or caring about my feelings or requests. I even bought him a SL book but that didn't work...broke it off..."
-MISSYB26
"She wants me to learn to speak...with out signs which i cant do. We use pen and paper and a little lip reading to communicate. It is getting frustrating"
-HO1234
"...at frist i had to write everything then I got better at lip reading him but there is still time when I just want to say forget it and leave but I can't do that cause I love him...like asking you to hear when she knows you can't she married you knowing your deaf and that you can't talk."
-LAFUN69
"He does sign a little... we had communication problems... sadly, we are divorced now so keep up with him and teach him..."
-SOFTSUMMER37
"Why do deaf marry hearing people?...they believe love will take care of everything...at the time it wasn't important....love was....Now that time has gone by for a while...did love fade? Is language now more important than the love you had in the beginging?
Many older couple will say...should not expect someone to change after the marriage....but then again others may say if he loves you, he will do anything for you...."
-DDDD86
"...if they really love you they will want to do what is best for your relationship and learn how to communicate as well as possible. My husband was so afraid when we were dating that I would leave him as soon as I realized the extent of his hearing loss and the possibility of 100% deafness coming back, I told him it did not matter... I am signed up to learn SL...even though he really feels it is unnecessary, he has learned to lip read so well...his hearing is getting worse and I want to be prepared to help him."
-DEIDRAHICKS
"...surprised at the amount of resentment and anger towards hearing spouses...married 27 years...had frustrations, yes, related to my not being able to hear sometimes, but NEVER because of not being able to communicate!"
-LOLUV8
"It's not about being deaf, or hearing -- it's about what you two share...had relationships with hearing girls...
...How important is being hearing or deaf to you? To some deaf people, it is their very core of their being...An ideal marriage is one where one can communicate freely, and clearly; so that one can share life with each other...Can you two meet halfway with each other, and compromise?"
-WESBROWN18
"felt i was embarrasing myself and him when I found it difficult to communicate. I had the added complication of the fact that he doesn't read or write particularly well...initially communicated by a mixture of lipreading, pointing, and after a lots of comical misunderstandings, we managed. I found that we made up signs of our own but I took a BSL course and found that i could explain things in more depth to him. He recently had to have an assessment at work...there was no provision within the company for a signer. I offered to go in and interpret for him...It came to light that he was not receiving the training he was entitled to because they could not communicate with him or understand the best way to go ahead with this...go for it but be prepared to take a course in sign as it will enhance your realtionship and make you both more comfortable."
-JULIEKAVANAG
"date a very nice hearing guy...When we are alone, things are great, and have wonderful time together. But when we get in groups (around hearing people)-I am ALWAYS leave out of the discussion. They talk so fast, and I can't catch what they say...boyfriend usually does not fill me in on what is being said, or explain to me, unless I make big deal about it.
This past weekend, we go to see some of his friends, and I was leave out of the conversation for almost 2 hours. I was so sad, I just drive home and cry.
My boyfriend can only fingerspell, even though he does well with it. I use ASL as my main language, and can speak a little...boyfriend rarely even fingerspells to me in public, or around his friends. Is it that he's ashamed?"
-COCOCUTIEDEA
"If I was dating a deaf woman I would never exclude her...
Have you told him how it makes you feel to be excluded from social situations?
...If he does not adjust and give you the respect you deserve, then...time to find a new boyfriend.
