Q: Are you functioning as a hard of hearing person, or are you still deaf?
A: "This is a challenging question to answer. Why? Because while my hearing abilities have gotten better with the implant, to the point of a hard of hearing person's abilities. Without the implant, though, I am even more deaf than I was before the surgery. When I had this surgery, they literally destroy(ed) what natural hearing I had left in my right ear in order to bring some kind of hearing back with a cochlear implant.
My cochlear implant is just a device. Without it, I would be and am 100% deaf. There is no middle ground, so I don't really feel there is a good way to describe where I fit in the communities. So I don't try to! And people don't ask either. Many are curious about the cochlear implant and ask "What is that?" I am not offended but enlightened to hear such questions. But I don't think anyone has asked me where I fit in the community yet. You're the first person!
My personal feeling on this subject is that no matter where you go, where you are, where you end up, you're always going to be deaf (especially if you were considered deaf before your implant). That's what you will always be. The implant isn't going to change that because the implant, at any time, could die on you.
That's why I have not given up certain accommodations -- I never know what it's going to be like from one day to the next. I could wake up one morning and not have one battery working. Or my cochlear implant could die on me for no reason at all. Or there could be a malfunction. It's not something we expect to happen to us but it does."
Q: How has having the implant affected or improved your relationship(s)?
A: "I've become closer to friends and family members. I've also lost some (mostly deaf) friends, too. And, I've had the opportunity to learn a few things along the way.
The implant has allowed me to fit into situations where I wouldn't have before because it's built my confidence level with people. I never realized how "in the dark" I was about people before, who they are, what they are like, what they can do and can not do. I've learned that people love to be asked questions about themselves, to feel involved and included -- that they really like to converse!
They talk about the weather, they talk about everything from the things they enjoy doing, to people, to events. Being able to read people has allowed me to better choose my friends. We must remember that words and actions can speak two different languages.
Through watching and listening to other people, I have also become better able to handle situations. I'm still considered quiet and shy by many. I like to now say, 'I am a normal person. I have things in common with this person, I'm different from that person, and that's OK.
I don't think I am any more 'special' than the next person simply because I am deaf, or because I have the cochlear implant. I am not as worried about what other people think about me as I was before. I am not as worried about whether what I do or say is normal. Where I used to want to be 'normal' and 'feel normal,' I now feel a whole lot better. Where my ears have 'opened,' my eyes have also 'opened.'
As for the (deaf) friends I have lost, and those that felt they lost me, I still love those people. They will always be my friends. They are wonderful people who have seen me through some pretty tough times. I think people put too much emphasis however on this community or that community. To shun this person from that community or this community because they are a certain way you aren't, because they simply made a choice to improve their lives, or to change themselves is like shunning yourself. What are you learning from them? What are you learning about yourself? I think classifying people is the worst thing any person can do.
I've also gone from someone who used to use the computer as my outlet, to someone who now uses a phone more than 90% of the time and talks rather than e-mails or instant messages. I do not spend hours like I used to on the computer. I spend my time with my family and I've learned to enjoy life differently. Where I used to write mile long e-mails, I now write a sentence or two. I still have a TTY, however. I still use sign language and I love it. I would never give up American Sign Language (ASL) and the culture that is ingrained within me. Once you are part of a culture you won't ever lose that. But you will end up bringing people from the outside in."
