How much hearing loss did you have to begin with?
I was born with normal hearing but with mild osteogenesis imperfecta. I went away to college with a serious hearing loss that came on rapidly at about 19.
How did you start losing more hearing?
Because of otosclerosis, I had stapedectomy surgeries in my early 20s. Surgeries postponed my need for hearing aids, but I finally got them at age 29. I had revision stapedectomies last year at age 50
How did you react to losing more hearing?
I try to be proactive by telling people that I have a hearing loss. A few people remember and compensate by speaking louder, but most forget. I feel more and more detached from conversation, esp. at meetings and in large groups. I have made a career in visual arts as a graphic designer, so my best work does not require good hearing. I gave up teaching and leading support groups at church for bereavement and divorce recovery because I couldn't hear the small voices. It has affected my ability to function in leadership positions. It seems like a burden for the people that are around me a lot, and I feel sorry for that.
How did you cope with your feelings of loss?
I have also had the experience of divorce after having two children that had multiple bone fractures due to also having OI. My second marriage was to a wonderful man who died at 45 of a heart attack. I have known all kinds of loss in my life. It's hard for me to discern what loss is troubling my heart when I feel depressed. I struggle financially because I was not able to overcome the hearing obstacles that would have helped me move up from silent computer work. I pray a lot and rely on God's grace. I believe God can use all these losses for good. If I am willing to talk openly about them, I think other people learn how to grow in compassion and also learn that they are not alone in their struggles. We can trust the hearts of other people that they want connection also. And we all can pool our strengths for the good of all of us. I have weaknesses, yes, like anyone else. But I also have talents to offer. I smile and laugh a lot. And people soften with that. They appreciate my transparency. I admit I have my crying days, but no matter how sad I feel, I know that it's only temporary. I give myself time for grief, but I know I can't stay in my self pity.
Lessons Learned
- use technology
- consult with professionals
- self educate
- be patient with yourself even if others aren't
- I want to make more friends with hearing impairments. I can't give that as advice because I need to do a better job of it myself.
- let yourself grieve, but not forever
- laugh with others when you make a mistake
- surround yourself with kind people
