-rculrich
"I don't think he was mad she used his language so much as disappointed that she was not deaf. I can't imagine what it's like going through life with a very limited amount of people you can easily communicate with. It's sweet that she tried to be polite but he's probably just looking for someone to talk to and, as she admits, her skills are not up to that level and, more importantly, she is not deaf. I don't understand why hearing people, which includes myself, are surprised when deaf people are not thrilled to see we've learned their language. Why should they be? The desire is not for communication alone, but for communication with someone with similar background and who can understand what it is like to be deaf. Learning ASL is not doing them a favor, it is doing us a favor."
-davidsister
"I have always been fortunate to encounter very polite deaf folks. If I see someone signing, I go up and introduce myself. I am the hearing mother of two deaf children, so I suppose I am accepted for that.
But how do like this... I was at the dentist the other day and the receptionist was asking about my children. She asked me the dumbest question and I tried to answer as politely as I knew how. Here was the question, "So, do you practice sign language with your kids?" My answer was something like this, " well, we don't really practice, sign language is how communicate, it's life to us, it's waht we do." Hope I didn't make her feel bad..."
-GracesBaba
"Rude behavior....behavior is always judged in a cultural/social context. right? I mean, lots of things we think are necessary or normal in a social situation are different from what other cultures think are necessary or normal. Think how you would feel if you were sent alone to Russia and after a week you ran into an American.
I'm hearing. I speak 4 languages, including ASL. I socialize primarily with Deaf people and Latin people, even tho I'm neither Latin or Deaf. I sign well enough that Deaf people usually don't know from my signing whether I'm hearing or deaf. BUT they can tell from my behavior or WHAT I say. I always make I drop little hints so they can't later accuse me of trying to pretend I'm deaf, which can be very offensive.
I've been learning sign for 12 years. 6 years ago Deaf people were still telling me I needed to improve my signs. I took it as a diagnostic compliment. At Deaf events, if a Deaf person approached when I was in midconversation with another Deaf person, often I would end up ignored. I did not feel this was being rude. I think it's important to understand that they see hearing people all day long every day. They want to interact with Deaf people because they can do so more quickly and with greater expression. Hearing people usually can't fully understand a Deaf person's signing the way a Deaf person can. We just have hearing brains.
Now my signing is pretty good. Most of my closest friends are deaf. I am constantly invited to Deaf parties and events that exclude hearing people. I'm almost always the only hearing person there. Recently a Deaf guy came up to me and stared at me. He's known me for 2 years. He marveled, "It's so great that you, a hearing person, can sign so fluently and hang out with us. That doesn't happen often." Someone else approached us and he introduced me to her as "hearing, but like (same as) Deaf". I am accepted not just because of my linguistic fluency, but because of my cultural fluency and my attitude towards deaf people as well as towards people in general. They feel I respect/understand/agree with them. They bond with me on a cultural level.
The first comment a Deaf person makes when they meet me and I introduce myself is something like this, "hearing? wow! you sign great!" which leads to further conversation.
Hearing people who take ASL classes more often than not, even if they become interpreters, do not take the time to socialize and build relationships in the Deaf community. Deaf people meet a hearing person who is learning sign, they get to know them for a year or two, then that hearing person has satisfied the socialization requirements for their class and they stop attending Deaf events. Why should Deaf people stop their normal life for someone who has not proven themself as a valuable member of the Deaf community? I'm not asking this as a "logical" question, but as a "put yourself in their shoes" question. They live the life of a Deaf person every day. We don't. If you don't get deeply involved in their culture, then you can't possibly judge what is rude/inappropriate.
Once I chided a Deaf friend at a coffee night for interrupting my signed conversation with an ASL 3 student. My Deaf friend said, 'I didn't come here to talk to hearing people who sign like sooo slow. That's boring. I came to talk to my Deaf friends.'
